2008 Fight Back Ceremony Speaker (Click here for YouTube Video)
I
have always had an interesting relationship with cancer. My first encounter
with cancer began when I was a young child, as I watched my mother fight her
losing battle against brain cancer. At the time I was very young and didn’t
quite understand the gravity of what was happening as she went through round
after round of chemotherapy, radiation therapy, and other alternatives in
the hopes of her gaining the upper hand over her disease. She eventually
lost her fight and died in November of 97’ when I was 9 years old. Just over
10 years later, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. It started when I noticed tenderness and a small lump in one of my testicles. My doctor referred me to get an ultrasound to investigate the possibilities of a tumor. With the positive identification of a tumor and my second ultrasound a month later confirming that it was growing, I learned that I would be losing my right testicle, not a huge deal since my doctor assured me, and I quote, “A one-testicle man is every bit as good as a man with two.” He seemed to have a way with comforting words. My surgery was in the end of January of this year. I spent a few days in bed, and about a month recovering. I though that was the end of it; until the biopsy of my surgery came back positive for cancer. That sent my world spinning.
From there we saw several doctors and learned that my choices were chemotherapy or the lymph node dissection, during which if they found more cancer meant I would have to have to do the chemo anyways. I didn’t like going under the knife so after a series of MRIs and a PET scan, both which indicated the cancer had spread, I chose the chemotherapy. Chemo sucks; many of you already know that since you’re probably reading this because you or a loved one has had an experience with cancer and likely went through chemo. As I am writing this, I’m midway through my treatment. I’m in my second, 3-week cycle of chemo and I will be starting my next and final cycle in about a week. You probably know the common symptoms of chemotherapy: hair loss, nausea, fatigue, loss and change in appetite, etc. The hair wasn’t a big deal for me. But the sickness and constant fatigue is pretty lame. The best way I can describe it is like having the flu off and on for months at a time. My stomach’s best friends became crackers and soup during chemo week. Unfortunately since my taste buds kept changing, once I found something to sooth my stomach I would end up not liking it in a few days, so it was a constant adaptation to sickness remedies for me. Thankfully, the real bad nausea was only present during the chemo week and goes away within the next week, so that translates to a week and a half of sickness and a week and a half of feeling pretty good.
Besides sharing the physical aspects with you, I would like to share with you how having cancer has changed my personality and outlook on life. Everyone always says to appreciate what you have because you never know when you will lose it. Well … it’s true. But instead of focusing on what I have already lost, that I took for granted, and wishing that I appreciated it more, I look at what I still have and am thankful for it. Relatively speaking, I still have my health. My strength fluctuates but I’m not bed ridden and I’m thankful for that. I could be sad and depressed that I have cancer but I choose to be happy that I caught it early and that I am privileged enough to receive the medical treatment, as unpleasant as it is, that will cure me of this disease. I’m thankful that I am not enduring this alone and for the wonderful support of my family, my girlfriend, and my friends.
In a sense, I’m thankful that I got cancer. I’m not thankful that I have a potentially life threatening disease, but I’m thankful that I was able to realize a better outlook on life and how fortunate I am for everything I still have, and it’s through having cancer that I was able to do that. I’ve learned that there is good and bad in every situation and more important than the presence of good and bad is that which you focus on. Love your life for what it is and for everything you have, don’t dwell on the bad because every situation can be worse. Ultimately I hope that I have helped at least one person who has read this to appreciate their life and everything they have just a little more than they have previously. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and joining in the fight against cancer.
Robert Breiner